Though born to a mother full of virtues and a father crafted of dignity and heritage, I was born only to carry my father, mother, and ancestors’ spirit and blood. Here, I am never alone, but in a company of legends that walked the corridors of Khimsar. In the past, people were born into royalty, but my parents taught me that royalty comes from what we do. It is my identity, my responsibility, my joy.
Very early on, I was taught that either you do or You do not, but there is no concept of trying. I am extremely proud of my work ethic and extremely grateful to my parents for instilling it in me.
Pride notwithstanding, I have also realised that working hard necessarily does not lead to all the things that one desires. I have worked with all my diligence and dedication all my life. Yet there are many things that I have wanted and yet haven’t gotten. But, with great humility, I must admit that my parents had crafted me to be satisfied with all that I have and with all that I do not.
With my parents as strong as armour, I could fight the toughest of the fights. I have not known any power greater than the love and support of my loved ones. They define me.
One’s parents have a substantial influence on the relationships of one’s adult life. They portray the face of relationships and lay down the path and unsaid rules of all the relationships that are to come. They play an instrumental role in showing us what is it like to be in familial relationships. Parents may make children feel loved and cared for, thus fostering psychological well-being in the adult child; that sense of well-being spills over, fostering adult children’s marital closeness.
Parents are the ideals, And also the superheroes in one’s childhood. We imitate them in many ways, and it is uncanny how we find ourselves copying the nuances of their daily behaviours. The way they talk, the way they conduct themselves, the way they regard each other, and all of these factors play a significant role in shaping how we treat other people and, most importantly, ourselves.
And these present themselves throughout our adult life interspersed with our relationships. Relationships, associations, and love; everything is “supposed” to be exactly like how it used to be with your parents, just like taking a mirror to one’s self.
It is paramount to notice is that these things affect how we see ourselves as parents. This stems from the kind of parents that they have been to us. We tend to copy their patterns and adopt the same lifestyles very often. However, it is a choice, but there is always some traits that we inherit from them. It is rightly said that there is no manual to parenting. You either parent precisely like your parents, or you do not. There is no third way about it. And I am indeed glad that I am a parent that was born of my PARENTS.
As we get older, and as we become more self-conscious — we recognise our parenting patterns. And more often than less, we find that we’re copying our parents and wonder whether it is a good idea to do this. And then we build our NeoPatterns.
But then there are few, who exactly do the opposite of what their parents did. They try to overcompensate as they tend to undo whatever damage they were subjected to during their childhood. When the scars run too deep to overlook – all the shouting, or passive-aggressive behaviour in the household, or lack of expressed or no affection, or even parent’s infidelity, then the fear of doing it even mistakenly scares them.
People who grew up in such setups are more subjected to act in entirely different way than their parents. While growing up observing these things and consciously learning not to repeat make them different in more ways than not. They could be expressive in ways that their parents were not, or calm and kind in a way they felt they rarely witnessed. And sometimes they seek attention from outside the home.
Herein, being on the other side of the spectrum proves to be an effective way of rectifying and compensating what could be an inadequate parenting model our parents created. It proves to be an escape helping us to break out from the vicious cycles of dissatisfaction, low self esteem, and rage. As mentioned earlier, there are no manuals to parenting, wherein the clear demarcation of the positives and the negatives of our upbringing help us steer in the right direction.
This is an essential part of growing up Indeed, it will prove to be a difficult journey to unlearn our conditioning But, then it is a choice. You could always try to not imitate your parents where required and be a better version of them. Just being aware and acting upon the traits that you realise are not healthy for you and your relationships is just as necessary.
Yes. We all can not become our parents, of course, if we wish to.
It is an entire journey; a journey of awareness and acceptance.
There is no chance (or rather very little) that we can escape from the natural inheritance of our parents’ traits but one can always choose to unlearn.Just realising that you are a replica of your parents is not enough, working to change it, is of the essence.
These traits could also be evaded once you start to communicate. Even in your romantic relationships, you could talk to your partner and discuss the complexities of these traits and how they have shaped your personality. The collaborative effort to bring about a change in your behaviors is also catalysed by the help of your partners. It is important to communicate with your partner your truest feelings and your takes on certain things so that they could give their advice or insights for your betterment.